Saturday, January 28, 2012

Last night I dreamt about water spouts, the tornado of the sea. I was at the oceanfront and couldn't get away from the crashing waves and water spouts heading toward shore. They were sure to pick me up and carry me away....the scene was chaotic and tense. They never did hit shore, but they do provide you with key to what my life has been like the last few weeks  months. Controlled chaos.

When I was in my last semester of graduate school, I dreamt about tornados all the time. They were coming and I couldn't do anything about it. I found out later that dreaming about tornado's means  you feel things are out of control.  Back then I was reaching an important crossroads...what to do with the rest of my life...there were so many variables and I felt completely helpless as to what my future held. Today, my dreams are linked, mostly I think, to how stressful my job has become and that stresses impact on my personal life. No matter how hard I try to plan and ultimately control my circumstances seem less controllable.

Here is a little background info I think is important to know where I am coming from...we are short staffed at work and I have been doing to the job of 2.5 people for the past two months. I love my job and what I do but, it has been physically and mentally exhausting trying to keep up. I have a problem saying no and often end up with way to much on my plate. The stress of my job reached a peak last week, coupled with me "single momming" it this week has left me frazzled and exhausted. My training has suffered, my work has suffered, and unfortunately for my kids, my ability to be a good parent has suffered. 

Several things have happened to me over the past two days, including locking myself out of my house; realizing I wasn't locked out after all, but not before I drove 30 minutes to get my key; leaving my portable DVD player on my car roof and driving off; having my son puke all over the inside of my car (it is a wonderful smell, I hope it lasts); losing my other son's bear-blanket; finding said blanket after frantically searching all over a mall; and getting a nickel sized chip in  my cars windshield. Whatever I did I am paying for it. It has not been a stellar start to 2012. I try to plan and at the same time be flexible but I am wondering if it doesn't matter how much I plan if what I am planning for is too much for me to handle?

Tomorrow I have an 11 mile trail run planned....please God don't let me step on a snake or in a hole!! (I can't plan for that!)


How do you roll with life's punches???

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